He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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