I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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