six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
