Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
it hurts more in the daytime
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
