the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
