watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I can't put those talents on a resume
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
