so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
