Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
