she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her