Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(305): View more from Florida

I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B

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(704): View more from North Carolina

The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.

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(954): View more from Florida

We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(206): View more from Washington

No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.

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(972): View more from Texas

I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.

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(969): View more from

I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.

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(209): View more from California

I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.

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(352): View more from Florida

what the fuck is wrong with you

(702): View more from Nevada

Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?

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