I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?