Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
