paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.