How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
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