i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
