Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
