i already hear my dad disowning me
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Randomize