I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
