I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
