I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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