I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
one might say we're banned from that church
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
