Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
