Your mouth is God's brothel.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
