Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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