Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You are the jesus of drinking
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
