I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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