i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
