you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Are we still banned from the library?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
