Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
