Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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