Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
