And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
