the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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