i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
