You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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