There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
