Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
