How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
