So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
