It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
