Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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