Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
