Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's never too late to be topless.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
