Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
