No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
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Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
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I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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