non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
