Three words: puerto rican gang bang
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
