You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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