Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
