I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
