I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
