I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
