Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
