so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
