I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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