i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
