I just saw a hot homeless man
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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