Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
my being single is dangerous.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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