mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
