There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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