Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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