yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
