I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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