Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
