dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
