you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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