that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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