so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
