im drinking this country out of the recession.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
