you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize