evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
