Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
