i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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