im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
