Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
