now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
